What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Randomize
