just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
