O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
