he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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