i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
