I just threw up on my dentist
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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