Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
