I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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