he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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