There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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