Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
