Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Be still, my beating vagina.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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