I think i sorta joined a cult last night
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
