there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
