The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
