i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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