my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I'm bleeding and have questions
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
