my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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