yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
