He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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