My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
