I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Ketchup is God's man juice
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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