Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
