sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i just google imaged poop.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
