remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
