DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
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