one word: firstdatebathroomanal
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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