I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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