We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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