remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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