it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
My vagina is officially offended.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
