I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
