someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
