I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I just want to make out with him forever
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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