I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
