Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
