Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
