i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
