this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Randomize
