my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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