so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
