Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
