I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
