I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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