he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
