bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
