Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
