I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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