somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
