I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize
