he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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