shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
